Drift Heart

Every time, I moved, my heart sways. I don't like to move often, but I traveled all the way from hometown, to Harbin, to NC, and now to Boston. Miss accompanies me all the time and has become part of my life. "I miss you...", I said this millions of times inside, though I seldom spoke it out even in front of parents. Wish everyone is happy no matter where! Bless!

When beauty decays

I met a BFF since college online. After updated each other, she started a question: "I had the scare in losing beauty sometimes. I even don't feel confident to attend parents' meeting for my son. Did you even have such a scare?"

We met when we are young and super-energetic. I was around many excellent and talent ones. She was one of them -- a very intelligent, lovely, and beautiful lady. I remember one funny experience with her. One summer, we both were selected for grading the paper works for the exams for entering college. During the break in a noon, we went to the newly opened swimming pool in our university. At the time when we were ready to get back to work, one middle age woman came close to us and invited both of us for some beauty contest or activity stuff, though we laughed it away. Later, she studied for her Ph.D. and lived happily in Beijing. Now she is worried about losing her beauty.

I am always numb and seldom think of whether I am beautiful or not. I don't even feel more good aspects than troubles out of this. Now I asked myself: did I ever scare in losing youth and beauty? Yes or no, but I responded after a short pause: Everyone wishes to be beautiful forever, but I don't care that much inside. I care more the inner peace, wise, and the ability to love. I don't care whether people remember my face or not when I die; I do care what I can leave to my family and this society. Beauty plays only two important roles to me: cheer up myself and the one I love!

Till death do us part

  Always, the phone ringing during midnights alerts me. From the other end of the line was the trembling voice of my younger sister Li, “the diagnosis for dad has come out; his tumor may be malignant…” All of the sudden, my brain went blank. It finally happened. I begged God… “mum didn’t want me to tell you. She is afraid of that you are worried too much abroad, but I think I should let you know…” Pieces of words were transferred to my ears… I didn’t know what I can say, but held my breath a moment and responded, “I’m fine… don’t worry… it’s good that we found it out early… you are the person who can’t carry too much … think for the baby inside you…”. Hanged up the phone, felt so dizzy, closed the door, and then lied down the floor slowly… tired, I felt so tired… tears were poured out quietly.

Everyone has his day, but dad is only in his 50^th. To us, he is the heaven. Although over years we tried to prove to him that we have grew up and don’t need his helps anymore, we can never image that one day he won’t be there for us.

Time flies fast. There is one day for everyone of us, for everyone who we loved. I felt this often, maybe for the scare of losing love. If so, why not treating each other nicely, instead of the endless fights?

Worship of love

Admire myself so much that more intensive works more entertainments. I found that the lyric of a song is touching with something (admire myself again. long time no listen to Chinese song).

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=osDvCHM35uQ

Worship of Love
Note: I didn't know who is the original translator, please let me know if you know.

Holding you in hands.
Pious incense.
Cut out a line of candlelight.
Light statesmanship.
Do not hope to be classical.
Only want to fall in love.
Finally, wounded in love.
Have been crying in despair.

I worship you with my whole life.
Only want you to glance at me.
Please bestow the power of infinite love and be loved on me.
Let me to meditate contentedly in quiet under linden.


Put you in hands.
Fold palms.
Beg heavens silence.
Please guide me the direction.
Do not hope the love everlasting.
Only want you to stay with me.
Tired, drunk in your arms.
Gently sing Buddhist.

I worship you with my whole life.
There are so many vexations to forget in the world.
Your face of old days drifting on sea of bitterness.
When I look back, I found I had been far away.

The status of chaos and order

Isn't that beautiful if a person is always in the status of order? However, the world is mixed, and it won't be always true for anyone. How far can a person step forward, regardless of the external interruptions? What can a person do if the status of chaos comes? It may be nice to have a moment of break. However, attitude and time will eventually shape the life. When one loses power, the world may lose one living but may also celebrate another new born at the same time. But strong individuals may struggle through to be the survivors and therefore the winners and successors of this world. So when you are in a status of order, congratulations. If not, unfortunately, smile, and then step out.

To see or not to see me

Like the simple and calm attitude that the poem implicates. Translate it here for all the people I love.

To see or not to see me

   ---- author: Tashi Ram Lot

 
You see, or not to see me.

I am there.

No sorrow, no joy.

You miss, or not to miss me.

Feelings are there.

Not coming, nor leaving. 

 
You love, or not to love me.

Love is there.

Not increasing, nor decreasing.  

You follow, or not to follow me.

My hand is in yours.

Not quitting, nor giving up. 

Come into my embrace,

or let me live in your heart.

Love tranquilly, 

and enchant calmly. 

见与不见

 --扎西拉姆·多多

你见，或者不见我

我就在那里

不悲不喜

你念，或者不念我

情就在那里

不来不去

你爱，或者不爱我

爱就在那里

不增不减

你跟，或者不跟我

我的手就在你的手里

不舍不弃

来我怀里

或者

让我住进你的心里

默然相爱

寂静欢喜